Four Years Later
06 December 2013
I hope you're having a rocking time up there with the angels.
I only physically write to you annually, but you know I think about you and feel you near everyday since you passed four years ago.
Today feels oddly surreal. Madiba passed away last night and, despite it coming for many months, I'm feeling very shocked. It also reminded me of your extended battle. We tried to prepare for your death for years as you moved from breast cancer to lung cancer over ten years. Towards the very end, we all knew it was about to happen, but, when it did, the shock was overwhelming.
I didn't cry immediately. Dad, Lu, and Jen did, but I looked at you knowing you were in peace, and, I suppose, I was a bit angry with you for leaving. I'm sorry for feeling that way, it was just a coping mechanism. I have done the ugly cry many times since, especially when I see sunflowers - your fave.
To be honest, I've been so busy, I haven't had a chance to think about this impending day. You always do that, Ma. Every single year, you ensure that this time is so manic and I get new clients onboard so that I won't be sad. I see what ya did there.
My business is rocking, Ma. I'm going to have to hire people and get office space in the new year. It's an issue I've been grappling with since I started. I know you didn't want to grow your business too big because you wanted to spend time with your daughter. I'm not gonna lie, it's been overwhelming, but then I just remember you telling me that the universe will never hand me anything that I can't handle.
I'm still beyond in love, Ma, but you know that. I'm living with my inspiration and best friend. You would adore him. But again, you know that.
It's been an incredible year and you continue to inspire my every action. I hope you're proud. People always tell me you would be.
I love you.
Scattering your ashes with roses at Storms River earlier this year.
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